o-o

I havent been writing in a long time. I just cant. No time.
<3 Yn
To fill you in,
The softball season is over.
The school is getting too immature.
I am writing in a notebook these days.
My math teacher rocks, even if I get bad grades.
Class Rep is hard to get but I might get second half. Im not sure if youre allowed to though. But basically i made it.
Halloween is coming up. its between Red Rinding Hood, an Eskimo, a Gypsie, a Native Am, Egyptian Princess, Lol. a ninja. Oh Yeah. Be Jealous.
YOURE NEVER TOO OLD.
About my classes. I Aide for Mrs. Olson a 7th grade teacher. Which sucks because I hate 7th Graders. They think theyre so cool since they aint no pixie anymore.

Something weird is happening. I really miss my period. Like I want it. Seriously. Its been a while. So I just want to get rid of everything, o-o
Lol.

<3 Yn

Yn. a state of doubt. Pt 2. Just words.

I think its time to love myself. Even if others dont. Even though I know I have beautiful friends that walk around with gorgous, but unnatural hair. I have other friends who hate their own because they arent as great as them. Or those who say, nice hair, trying to make the girl feel better but also knowing it was a lie.

Does everybody think like me? Or am I different? Wierd?
Maybe they just need to grow up, or I need to grow slower.
I dont understand why people cant stop and think.
I dont understand how girls can just talk to guys and how sometimes guys just ignore them.

I may be on the Softball team. I just read Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. One thing I liked was that the author just described 'Caitlin', and didnt state if she was pretty or ugly or just average. It makes you think if she was describing 'Caitlin' as herself. Does she know what she is?
It shows how any girl can be treated the way she was, regardless of whats on the outside, a weak girl on the inside will always be misused.

Does natural beauty exist when you grow up? Because all around me, all I see is fake fake dye.

Yn. a state of doubt.

You know as a child, or younger than I am now, I always thought I was pretty. Even though no one ever told me I was, I always thought it. I never believed it when someone said ugly. Although nobody ever did except my sister and a girl named Jessica Oh. Well as I began to grow up and become something else, people tell me Im pretty everyday. Or at least, almost. I never believed them because looking at my pictures back then, the present me thought that girl couldnt be me. That I was prettier. Did I change? What happened to the me back then? Did I look the same. Or did I finally realize what I truly looked like in other peoples eyes?
I was thinking that,
Thus coming to the conclusion that in every girls mind, she is brainwashed to always think she is beautiful until she grows up and sees herself as what she really is. The right type of pretty.
Its so bizzare.
I guess thats why fat children are fat, they never care that others think theyre fat, because when they look in the mirror, they see somebody different. When they grow up, they lose weight or complain about their vuluxuious-ness.

I know Ill look different next time. Each day, I change.

~Yn

The Stupid Guys?

Im always saying guys are so stupid.
But maybe, just maybe, I liked that about them.

Yn Is having doubts~

Even though everyone hates liars, they still do it.
I hate it when people lie to me. It might hurt but then you know that they really care about you. Or if there just trying to make you feel better with false flattery. Boo them.

:] Yn~

Additional Notes. againnn...

The bad thing is that I think I may like a younger kid...
He just makes me feel... I dont know. But Ive never talked to him in my entire life...

This reminds me of Skip Beat. With Kanae and that 11 year old.

Oh No.

~End of Add. Notes~

Almost there...

School is coming in 4 days. I just dont want summer to end but I want to see whats going to happen at school. Instead of guys and friends I think I am going to study a lot more and exercise a lot more also. Last year didnt go very well because I think I was a pretty bad person. But only to my standards. So I decided that I will never talk bad about anyone or hurt them intentionally.

I bet a lot of things are going to change.
But I think its ok.

I just got back from Yosemite and received many bug bites. They seem to only like my blood. It was fun obviously but we only hiked one trail.

School will seem boring this year right? I have to get smarter. No more distractions. No being rude or inconsiderate.

Ill try to be a nice and good person. Ill save my money and work much harder.

Ill even try not to read manga because lately I have been very hooked.

Ill try to use good grammar too. :]]

~I have to change Strawberry~
~My name will be Yn~
Lol.

Another new Post on The same Day

I forgot to mention...
I started my period. Sure Im a bit late... But I am wwwaaayyyy earlier than my sister.

Laawwwll ends. nothing

OMG.

Ok Since I read the post before Last Days I just want to add some additional stuff.

I didnt make WEB. Which was a real shock.
We did our chalk drawings for art and ours was the best. It covered an entire hallway and the cafeteria. So pruod;; The group: Vicky, Kelly, Cameron, and Meeee. :]] It was totally awesome. The teacher loved it.
Anyways we have more human growth and developement also dissecting stuff. We dissected an earthworm and today, a rat. It was really gross and I was kind of crying. Poor rat... The smell was horrible. I wish I had a 4.0 All because of some stupid B+ in science. Maybe I can raise it up in a few hours. You never know...
Mr. Bowman hates me.
Mrs Miller said our animoto presentaion was nice. I did all the work no offense to my partner. o.o
Kazuma likes Tiffany and theyre going out. Its mostly Wendys fault she hacked into Tif's facebook and started talking to Kaz. He said ILY and Wendy replied ILY too. Lol. Why cant she just butt out of other peoples business?

~Strawberry Ends The Additional Notes~

Last Days

Its the last week of school and Great America is coming up. The yearbooks are handed out tommorrrrooowww and I am scared I wont be in anything. :[

Im not sure if Ill be able to write during summer break because I have so many things;; Swimming, Dancing, BRACES, and a lot of summer school stuff.

I really dont want braces but Im getting the clear one so maybe it wont be that bad.

Ronny likes me and I think its really annoying how everyones like Oh shes Ronnys'.

Im not anyones and I dont really like him. Where do people get these ideas?

Gina likes Willie and we nicknamed him GreenTea which is really bizzare because thats my email... Strange.

I had a dream where Osker got Mary pregnant and I woke up and was all jealous. I am so sad hes graduating. :[ Maybe I actually like him. Gina thinks I do but I dont know.

The group split up so now its just me, Yane, Gina, Tiffany, and Diana. So we kind of move around a lot from our place to Willies place.

Great America BABY TIME FOR BIKINIS.

But I heard it was going to be kind of chilly so Im scared. What if theres like rain so we cant go swimming? Its June!!! It shouldnt be COLD!!!

~Strawberry Ends Post~ Wait for the Great America and Yearbook stuff :]]

More Latenessss

Havent been writing. I have so much to say. I just cant remember...

What happened today;;
P.E- Played with a football. I was ok I guess. Better than Gina.
Language Arts- Edgar Allen Poe stuff. Finally my partner came to class.
Chinese- A bunch of worksheets that I should have done.
Art-Cool project, its really hard though. Negative positive stuff. Patterns.
Social Studies- Got in trouble for no reason. Quest. United States and Capitols.
Science- The cell, bacteria, fungi, protist, stuff.
Math- Just regular review. But After that we started talking and I was just laughing with my friends when Ken came up and was like;; Richard likes you. Then I was like. Uh huh ok. Then time passed and I was laughing with more friends about yearbook stuff and Kelvin came up and said Richard likes you, Kevin too. I just said. Oh. Then Aditi was like HAHAHA "You were just like 'Oh' "
I laughed too.
Then we were talking about Uma, how she liked Kelvin and who he liked and how we miss Uma so much. Then he was like "Uma was talking to me about you. How you always smile. " Jane piped up "Yeah you still do."

Lol.

Guys are confusing.

~Strawberry Continues maybe from a year from now Lol~

P.s Web tryouts. Im scared I think I failed.
Kim came for a sleepover with my sis. You know, since I went to Viet School to practice for a dance.
Mothers Day coming up. :]]
Guys are still confusing.

-sigh-

Well Im mad. I have to go to summer school for Essays and Public speaking. Ill add more. Maybe

~Strawberry, Not quite finished~

...

I dont know what to say, what to do, how to act. Im confused.
Well heres whats happeneing
I am taking Track and Feild. All A's except for one B+ :[ All Bowmans fault. >:[
Anyways, I think my friends suck so Im moving around...

Other peoples 411 that I do really care about;
Mark <3 Diana.
Mark is mad at me since I slapped him.
T&F is killing me.
Gina isnt my sister anymore
The guys are all Audrey magnets.
Kate is trying to be 'popular'.
Everyone wants to be popular so they are being mean.
I spend a lot of time in the library when I want quiet.
Everyone is so perverted.

Stupid Aryana Garcia freakin sucks;
Shes fat, mean, loud, and no guy would ever think of liking her. But other than that she doesnt have to be mean to people just because shes in Middle School and the eigth graders liked her. Ok, so I use to like her to, she was nice, always said 'hi' she was awesome, but everything changes and ... Well I hate change.

So Yesterday is a great book.

Oh Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, please take me in. I will leave the world of man and join you, forget my responsibilities and serve you, immortal, until I choose to chase boys and begin a human life again.

Stupid Joanne---- Sisters

Well Gina is my 'sister'. We share clothes, clips, homework. Lol. Like sisters, she can make me SOOO mad but we stay close.

Stupid Joanne is making me mad. Ok, so she put Reis backpack in the girls bathroom and I was in it at the time. So I was like "What are you doing?" She was like, "Putting Reis backpack in the girls bathroom." I laughed and was like "Oh." Then Joanne put it in the corner and I picked it up and she was like, "No dont touch it" But I did and put it deeper in the girls bathroom.

Later, everyone was blaming each other about this freakin backpack incident and Joanne was like, "Its (Insert name here)_____________(Insert name here) 's fault! Not mine. She put it in the wet toileted area while I put it in the DRY." Then everyone was looking at me and I felt all mad and sad. The Joanne blamed me when it was her idea in the first place to put Reis backpack in the girls bathroom.

Its so unfair. Then Bryce was like which ones your backpack? I pointed to one that wasnt mine because I knew he would take it and do wrong things to it. But friggin cousin of Joanne, Audrey, pointed to my backpack and Bryce took it, then I grabbed one strap and I was saying,"Give it back!" (with a bit of a growl) so he gave it back.

Joanne is not a good friend. You cant depend on her for anything, shes only there to laugh and turn others against you. Shes selfish, a liar, and a chinky eyed !#####@@#$^%%%%^%%%%%^^^^&&***************** Rawr.

But if you need a laugh shes there.

Joanne Characteristics:
Funny
Selfish
Happy
Mean
Stupid
Bully
Fat
Short
What some people think:
When you get mad at her, she doesnt notice -Audrey
Looks innocent but evil- Gina
Doesnt care about you, and says you ditched when she ditched, in other words; a hypocrite- Melissa
Crazy- Rebecca
Selfish- Everyone (she doesnt share her food, gum, drinks, ipod, earphones, iphone unless she gets something in return)
Undependable-Me
I think she should get a sex change-Anonymous

~Strawberry Ends This Stupid Post~

How I Feel

Gina is an awesome friend. Shes always there. Anyways Ive been going to a teen advice website because ... well I need help. I took this test that totally described me (facebook). That quiz is so smart. Anyways Im kind of worried because one of the repliers said that Teddy might just be a big flirt :[. What if he is? This sucks, because Im falling for him.

~Straberry will edit this post later 3-9-9~

It is so windy outside. I want to go out but my sister is like, no way. So im just sitting at home watching Americas Next Top Model and eating Vege Straws.

Yesterday there was a Cornation that I danced for. I feel as if I danced bad...
Of course, yesterday was Saturday so I saw him. He sat behind me as always but didnt pay much attention to me. I feel kind of sad now. No happy memories.

Rebecca is stealing Gina again. And Gina is being... Well to me shes being a bad friend. I need a real friend. Melissa is a great friend but Gina is just, she doesnt know how to make people feel better and she isnt a friend I can depend on to help me when Im upset. I cant depend on anyone these days. No one can make me feel better.

I like reading books.

I feel different. Something is wrong with me, not the people around me. I know everyone can be sweet, but they just choose to be... gross.

Whenever I think of him or see him, I just cant stop... I want to touch his face and hold his hand. Then, it stops and Im back to normal, just talking. I feel better when Im not at EngSchool. I just really hate the people there. Everything is so boring. Nobodys mean but everyone is trying to be different, when theyre not. Everyone gets jealous and backstabby and... Well I guess even my friends have to try and be superior. I need new friends.

I wish that when no ones in the school, I think.. SOMEONE JUST BOMB IT ALREADY.
But only when no one is near the school. Radiation... o.o

Breathe... Just breathe...

The weather is so beautiful. I go to the grave and put the flowers near it. but there are so many dead flowers and with rain and dirt next to it, worms have come underneath it. There are blossoms on the ground from the tree in my backyard and it couldnt look more pretty.
Such strong wind. The Greek Gods are so interesting.
Bye bye for now. :]

~Strawberry is looking at wind, Ends post here~

Nothing

I dont have anything to say...
When I got to see John, I wouldnt look at him... I had this pimple on my nose and didnt want him to see.
Whats weird is that for the guys I like, the embarrassing things that they do are so cute.
Like take Kevin for example... He always eats snow cones and when he got a snowcone mustache I though it was so adorable. But dont tell anybody that: Its between you and me ok?
So I wonder... For the guys who like me, if I have a chile stain on my lip or food in my hair... What will they think? Because for girls... We always think that somethings wrong (or we think we are perfect).

2 eye comments...
Well I was in my elective class; Art and Kelly was like you have big eyes. o.o
Then after school Christina said, " You have pretty eyes." I dont really think my eyes are pretty... o.o But I guess that was nice of them. Brown eyes... totally normal. And everyone thinks Asian people have you know. Lawl. Chinky eyes.

Chinky eyed people:

Gina
Joanne
Sandy

Half chinky eyed?:

Ryan
Kevin
Koki
Rei

Normal eyed people:

Me
Audrey
Wendy
Melissa
Kate
Bryce
Glynnis

Lol. Well thats all I could think of. I finished my homework before dance class. Thats a first. Maybe I am beginning to be a more responsible person. :]

~Strawberry ends another post blue~

Pity

Valentines day is coming up and somebody gave out these sweets. I was really sad because I didn’t get one and everyone else got them (I guess I shouldn’t have gone to the library while they were all talking). Gina didn’t get one either. I think its because shes my friend. Melissa, Kate, Joanne, Audrey, and the guys probably feel sorry for me. That’s what I hate more than anything, pity.

Usually I don’t whine about the little things and stuff when I feel left out or bad or when I think people will be judgmental about what I say. Like I don’t want people to feel sorry for me if I talk about this stuff. I guess its time to let it out but Im scared. Yes, I am scared. I am scared of pity and guilt and all those assumptions. I get mad when these things happen and people feel sorry for me. I get mad at the littlest things and now I am getting ugly. Im scared of aging, approaching my guy friends without someone by me. I am scared of what they would think if they found out I hate them. They wouldn’t think at all, they would shun me out of the group of course. So I just act annoyed and drink my water.

I wish there was an advice columnist somewhere.

~Strawberry's Sadness~ Entry ends here.

:] Melly

Well Melissa got this really cute haircut and has a great personality. She doesn’t talk bad about me and goes through a lot with her evil friends.

She use to hate Kate and well… I don’t know if she still does.

Theres been a lot of jealousy around here lately.

~STRAWBERRY ENDS POST~

Happy Late New Year

Well. Yup. What the title says. You may have noticed that I havent been writing in a while. Theres just nothing to do these days. I was going to go shopping with a group of friends but I couldn’t since I had school. Turns out, school was canceled and I wasted gas, and couldn’t go shopping. I also have a cold and that woke me up with a runny nose.

Rebecca is trying to steal Gina again and well… I couldn’t care less. Melissa is trying to be like… “popular” when shes not. Wendy says that Audrey is PROUD that someone likes her. (Rei) Lol. Now that is just funny. ‘I was like seriously? You really think so?’ Well personally I think she is playing hard to get. Like she talks to him on facebook everyday. James is saying shes a Les. I think hes saying that because she broke up with him and called him a faggot. I don’t know why but everyone is feeling sorry for Rei. Of course its because Audrey likes someone and people think its not Rei. Oh Well. HAHA. I don’t care about these people. I actually think I hate them. Kate wants attention too much. At least she has it.

The regular group of friends I hang out with are a group of freakin PERVERTS. Seriously. I mean they talk about humping and sex and threesomes. Its ok if they think it, they don’t have to say it out loud. I blame Joanne. Lol. Joanne gave Audrey perviness- Audrey gave Kate perviness- and then it spreadsssss. I hope they wont get a sex change. 0.0. Theyre turning into guys. And for that, I blame Ken, Ryan, Rei, Bryce, and Kevin.

Oh yeah and Bryce got detention and Sat School for stealing from the lunch line.

~STRAWBERRY ENDS THE POST~

more of my facebook notes

Teddy Bear asked me if I lost a pencil and I was confused so I said yes. Then he said he had it but not today. I think he took it, not I lost it. He started wandering around my group and talking to me. My friends started laughing every time he talked to me. RAWR D:<. It’s so strange; he talks to me and follows me around. I notice things about him. He’s funny, he sleeps in class. He traced his finger on the back of my shirt and asks me a lot of questions. He seems to sit behind me all the time. I always smile for no reason when I’m thinking about him. I know that’s really stupid. I wonder how old he is. I wonder what his last name is. He knows mine. Then there’s that other guy, I don’t know about him but he always makes me happy. He’s not that funny but he’s really something special. Well my mood changes have been getting really out of hand and sooner or later something bad is going to happen.These bitchy behaviors from a few of my friends are really starting to annoy me. I know I shouldn’t be annoyed but it’s really stupid. Cutting is really stupid and most people who do cut just want attention to show off their scars. Some other people do it but they really are just sad. I get really mad when people abuse the word emo. They make it sound like emo and emotional are two different words. It’s stupid and nothing is good about it.

... facebook notes

There are so many things I hate about people. What’s not to hate?? Even though I’m a person too. People are like books, if you don’t rip them apart, you can see how good it actually is. Everyone hates each other and there’s always something wrong. Sometimes, you know what’s wrong but it’s just too hard to fix it. And when you know you made a mistake, it’s too late right?

Selfish people don’t even know what they are and what hurts people around them. Selfish people make you hold stuff when you have no hands; they take your things without asking and don’t even give the other person something in return. They will end up killed and tortured with their hair ripped out and their just a little flab of skin to lie in their coffin. xD

If somebody asks you if you think they are selfish, they are. Everyone is. You just can’t help it. Maybe if we were inhuman, we can be better, or worst.