Yn. a state of doubt. Pt 2. Just words.

I think its time to love myself. Even if others dont. Even though I know I have beautiful friends that walk around with gorgous, but unnatural hair. I have other friends who hate their own because they arent as great as them. Or those who say, nice hair, trying to make the girl feel better but also knowing it was a lie.

Does everybody think like me? Or am I different? Wierd?
Maybe they just need to grow up, or I need to grow slower.
I dont understand why people cant stop and think.
I dont understand how girls can just talk to guys and how sometimes guys just ignore them.

I may be on the Softball team. I just read Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. One thing I liked was that the author just described 'Caitlin', and didnt state if she was pretty or ugly or just average. It makes you think if she was describing 'Caitlin' as herself. Does she know what she is?
It shows how any girl can be treated the way she was, regardless of whats on the outside, a weak girl on the inside will always be misused.

Does natural beauty exist when you grow up? Because all around me, all I see is fake fake dye.

Yn. a state of doubt.

You know as a child, or younger than I am now, I always thought I was pretty. Even though no one ever told me I was, I always thought it. I never believed it when someone said ugly. Although nobody ever did except my sister and a girl named Jessica Oh. Well as I began to grow up and become something else, people tell me Im pretty everyday. Or at least, almost. I never believed them because looking at my pictures back then, the present me thought that girl couldnt be me. That I was prettier. Did I change? What happened to the me back then? Did I look the same. Or did I finally realize what I truly looked like in other peoples eyes?
I was thinking that,
Thus coming to the conclusion that in every girls mind, she is brainwashed to always think she is beautiful until she grows up and sees herself as what she really is. The right type of pretty.
Its so bizzare.
I guess thats why fat children are fat, they never care that others think theyre fat, because when they look in the mirror, they see somebody different. When they grow up, they lose weight or complain about their vuluxuious-ness.

I know Ill look different next time. Each day, I change.

~Yn